Lightening Strikes Twice

Where to begin....

Well as many of you had suspected from the vagueness of my previous posts, yes the IUI worked and I got pregnant! I had a feeling things might have actually worked since 4dpiui (days post IUI) I started feeling mild/dull cramps on and off throughout the day up until 10dpiui. I also started to have vivid dreams during that 2ww which I also got with my first pregnancy. This made me hopeful....

I ended up giving in and testing on 11dpiui....which of course I got a BFN.  Then I tested again on 12dpiui and another BFN!!  I started to lose hope and was thinking for sure it didn't work even though AF wasn't expected for about 3 days.....this is what I get for testing early!

I of course went on to test again that Monday (13dpiui) before I went to work and low and behold there was a very faint line! TWO LINES ARE TWO LINES! BFP!!  I sent a picture of it to Dave and then on my lunch break at work went out and bought a First Response since the pregnancy tests I have at home are just the strips I get free with the opk. The First Response came back with a tad pit darker positive line!! I called my RE's office and they had me go to the lab for blood work that day to check my levels. My hcg levels came back at 39 which is really low, they like to see them over 100 on the first day after your missed period which still wasn't scheduled for 3 more days so it was still early.  I went back a few days later to check again, my hcg levels were up to a 98 so they had more than doubled which they are suppose to....confirmation we're pregnant.

We were excited and so happy to have FINALLY had gotten pregnant again after so long! Dave wanted to be cautious about announcing it which is completely understandable considering we lost our first pregnancy. So I agreed that I wouldn't even post it on here yet, especially since a few family members and close friends read my blog and we wanted to wait until we would be able to tell both our parents, family and close friends. Luckily with my RE's office they schedule your first ultrasound at 6 weeks, so we planned on holding out until after the Labor Day weekend to start telling as we would be going in on the 6th for our u/s. We knew this was going to be extremely hard as we were going to have to get through a friends cookout, a jewelry party, a wedding, a tailgating party and Labor Day gatherings with family and friends who it would difficult to keep it from, especially once Dave starts drinking he likes to talk.

We got through half of them. Unfortunately after only a few bittersweet weeks and 6 days before our first scheduled u/s our pregnancy came to an end with another miscarriage....I've been completely devastated this time around and unable to talk at all about it. Our first pregnancy I was always worried and had a feeling something wasn't right so even though the loss was upsetting, I wasn't completely surprised. This time I truly thought this would be it and everything would be okay. I felt we were going to make it to our u/s appointment and would finally get to see our baby. Even when I started spotting I wasn't worried because I knew it could mean absolutely nothing. I conintued to stay positive and hopeful everything was going to be okay. But I was wrong.

I had spotted lightly for 5 days before, then last Wednesday morning as I got ready for work I started not feeling well, I was lightheaded, dizzy and had hot flashes. Shortly after I got to work I started cramping and bleeding, at that point I knew there was nothing we could do and the outcome wasn't going to be good. I called by RE's office right away and they sent an order to the lab for me to get my blood drawn to check my hcg levels. Within the hour I felt worst so I took the rest of the day off. Thankfully my RE's office is so good at getting things rushed and calling you asap, they called me by noon to confirm my hcg levels were already down to 190.

Dave has been great, he came home from work early to hang out with me. He took me to pick up dinner and movies, has been cleaning up around the house, taking care of the dogs, he bought me new Iowa cupcake liners, an Iowa cookie cutter, surprised me with flowers and got me a new Iowa t-shirt all to cheer me up. As much as I know that he is just as frustrated, he's been trying to stay positive about everything and keep my spirits up.

This time has been so much harder then the first.... I haven't been able to tell anyone, it's just too hard right now to talk about it or bring it out. So I apologize to my friends and family for not telling you if your finding out now, I hope you understand. I just don't feel up to talking about it right now. Maybe it's harder this time because we've been trying longer. Maybe I just wanted this one more. Or because I wasn't expecting this to happen this time even though I knew there was a chance. Or because we worked harder for this one. I don't know. I don't understand why. I just don't get it.